Matthew 26:31-35
Many of you who have attended UALC for awhile have probably seen the passion play that our church puts on every few years, Tetelestai. It's a powerful musical retelling of the last week of Jesus' life. I've gone to UALC my whole life, and I saw Tetelestai several times as a kid and participated in it as a teenager. I have a vivid memory of one time seeing it in 4th grade and being overwhelmed with emotion to the point of tears when Peter denied Jesus. I remember watching him sing his lament after denying Jesus three times, agonizing over his poor decision. I started crying and crawled over my sister and into my mom's lap. Later that night, while I was lying in bed, I told my mom that I had cried because I had felt so bad for Peter. I knew how much he must have hurt in that moment, and I cried for his pain. Even at age ten, I was able to understand sin and brokenness because of my inherent humanness.
Our passage today is not Peter's actual act of denial, but his conversation with Jesus where he tells Peter that he will deny him, and Peter so vehemently rejects the accusation. I have always related to Peter. I clearly had empathy for him as a child, and as an adult I see myself in him. He is energetic and eager, but also stubborn and passionate. And that gets him into trouble sometimes. The passage literally says that Peter "declared 'Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.'" And yet, he did. He did disown Jesus. Why? I think we can find the answer in ourselves.
We turn our backs on God all the time. We make decisions we know we shouldn't, we don't stand up for our faith when we know we should, we try and fit in with the people around us. Peter cared what others thought of him, and so do we. So do all humans, to some extent. Even if it's just the people closest to you. We often mold ourselves to fit into human categories rather than letting God mold us to become more like him. And even as a ten year old, I knew that truth on some level. I saw myself in Peter. From the time that we step into this broken world as little children, we are always being pulled into a million different directions that don't lead to life, and the problems come when we following those directions. Peter is famous for denying his Lord in this moment, but would you have done differently, really? If your life could be on the line? Would one little lie be worth potentially dying for? I think Peter asked himself those questions, and to be honest I don't know what I would do. I'm sure we'd all like to think we'd boldly proclaim our faith, but most of us haven't been in situations as dangerous as that one. We have all turned our backs on God at some point or another.
And that's why Easter exists. That's why Jesus died and rose again for us. Because we aren't that great at staying on the path that leads to life, so he forgives us. And we have to be able to forgive ourselves, as well as others.
And what did Peter do later in life? He went on to establish the church. God used him in amazing ways, despite his mistakes. No matter how many times we turn our backs on God, he will never turn his back on us. We are imperfect; good thing we have a perfect God.
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