Especially between Friends

What to do When...You have to speak up.

Speaking the truth, in love, is anything but easy. There are times in everyone's life when they need to confront a friend or family member; when they must tell them they are in the wrong. None of us wants a loved one to get into trouble they can't get out of. We want the best for our best friends and our family, but we are prone to get off the track occasionally.

We are not perfect, and we need those who love us, to have the courage to speak into our lives, to correct, confront and courageously care for us.  That is why accountability partners are vital. Relationships with people we trust to face us down when we need it, to step in front of that speeding bullet called gossip, that is heading directly for our lips.

One of the most memorable accountability moments I had, early in my Christian walk, was when a friend stopped herself in mid-sentence and said, "Oh, this is gossip, let's change the subject." That was a life-changing moment for me, it happened over 20 years ago, but I can still see it unfolding before me.

King David had that gift, in the form of his friend Nathan.  Nathan was brave enough to confront the king - even if the king was his friend. And King David appreciated Nathan's honesty and recognized it as love. So, the question is, do you have someone in your life who loves you enough to be honest with you, to challenge bad behavior, and to question your motives? If you do, you have a friend indeed!

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. (Matthew 18:15)

Matthew 18:15-17

The Story - Chapter 12 - 2 Samuel 18-19

So, how do you feel about confrontation? Does the mere mention of the word cause you to shudder and grimace from embarrassment and even fear? I wouldn't be surprised confrontation didn't rate right up there with public speaking, as the things we least like to do.

Why is this? There are times when we really need someone to call us out, correct our actions or words. There was a time that I would avoid confrontation at all costs. As a people pleaser, it was easier to let wrong thinking or bad behavior slide than point it out to someone. This goes along with yesterday’s words on accountability partners.

2 Samuel 19:5-7 (NIV)
“Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, "Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the LORD that if you don't go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come upon you from your youth till now."

Some might consider dressing someone down like this as “telling them off.” But, in truth, there are days when we all need someone to get in our face and speak truth. It takes courage and it usually requires that someone cares enough to risk the relationship. I might be upset at first, but give me a little while to process your words and I will probably be thankful for your honesty.

Once again, King David needed to hear the words of his military commander, Joab. I am sure it was harder to say than to hear. Joab risked a lot to tell his king how wrong his actions were, and King David heeded the advice and let his people know he was over his mourning and back in control.


Read 2 Samuel 18-19 here

Listen to 2 Samuel 18-19 here