Especially between Friends

What to do When...You have to speak up.

Speaking the truth, in love, is anything but easy. There are times in everyone's life when they need to confront a friend or family member; when they must tell them they are in the wrong. None of us wants a loved one to get into trouble they can't get out of. We want the best for our best friends and our family, but we are prone to get off the track occasionally.

We are not perfect, and we need those who love us, to have the courage to speak into our lives, to correct, confront and courageously care for us.  That is why accountability partners are vital. Relationships with people we trust to face us down when we need it, to step in front of that speeding bullet called gossip, that is heading directly for our lips.

One of the most memorable accountability moments I had, early in my Christian walk, was when a friend stopped herself in mid-sentence and said, "Oh, this is gossip, let's change the subject." That was a life-changing moment for me, it happened over 20 years ago, but I can still see it unfolding before me.

King David had that gift, in the form of his friend Nathan.  Nathan was brave enough to confront the king - even if the king was his friend. And King David appreciated Nathan's honesty and recognized it as love. So, the question is, do you have someone in your life who loves you enough to be honest with you, to challenge bad behavior, and to question your motives? If you do, you have a friend indeed!

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. (Matthew 18:15)

Matthew 18:15-17

The Story - Chapter 12 - 2 Samuel 11-12

Is there someone in your life you have given permission to challenge you?  A friend you trust will hold you accountable for your actions? Is there someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth? Everyone needs someone like this in their life, even a King.

2 Samuel 12:5-7 (NIV) “David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity." Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul.”

We are not lone-rangers in this world. We need people who will walk along side us, people who will risk it all and tell us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear. This is a high calling, and one not to be taken lightly. Nathan got right in David’s business and let him know where he was going wrong. He did not pull any punches, but told it like it needed to be told.

We all should be so brave; we all should be so blessed; to have someone who cares enough to want to save us from ourselves. When asked to be an accountability partner, take it very seriously. Pray about it before accepting the duty. Generally, people are accountable as partners—meeting together regularly for prayer and conversation. I would pair up with someone who I consider a peer, but someone I trust and am certain of their walk with God.

Nathan’s boldness brought David to his knees. Because Nathan was able to show David his sin, David was able to ask God for forgiveness; he was restored as a Man after God’s own heart. There were consequences, there usually are, but there is grace…so much grace.


Read 2 Samuel 11-12 here

Listen to 2 Samuel 11-12 here

Joshua 1:1-9

Moses' job was a big one!  He had the responsibility of leading over a million people out of bondage and into freedom; something the people had not experienced for many years.  With freedoms come new responsibilities, new realities and a new way of living out life.  God's people, whom Moses was guiding, had much to learn before they could live free. Now, Moses' life was over and the man he had worked alongside and prepared for this assignment would be taking on the leadership mantle and walking his people into the Promised Land.

"After the death of Moses the servant of God, God spoke to Joshua, Moses' assistant: 'Moses my servant is dead. Get going. Cross this Jordan River, you and all the people. Cross to the country I'm giving to the People of Israel. I'm giving you every square inch of the land you set your foot on—just as I promised Moses.'" (Joshua 1:1-3)

Joshua was the man Moses had mentored and prepared for this day. Moses did not live to see God's promise fulfilled, but Joshua did.  He had the great privilege and tremendous responsibility to see to the last leg of one journey and the first leg of yet another. Do you think he was overwhelmed, or do you think he felt blessed?

I am feeling a bit awe struck simply reading the lesson for today.  I can sense some of the sorrow Joshua may have felt at Moses' death and also some of the invigoration coursing through his heart as God speaks to him and tells him to "Be strong and Courageous...be strong and very courageous..."(Joshua 1:6,7) God further promises to be with him where ever he goes.

All these promises and commands are for us too.  Every time He gives us a new assignment in this life, He enables us to complete it.  He gives us His Word to teach and guide us.  He provides teachers and mentors to show us the way.  He encourages us to find friends, accountability partners to learn from and with.  He wants us to practice one another-ing to the fullest. 

Finding or forming a small group is one way to do this.  Do you have a group you learn from?  Are you part of a nurturing community or do you have someone who can disciple you on the road, as Joshua?  Let's read and enjoy the book of Joshua during July and August.  Let's soak up everything we can and learn from one of God's chosen.

Read Joshua 1:1-9 here

Listen to Joshua 1:1-9 here

Matthew 3:4-12 - Fruit of Repentance

When I hear someone saying life isn't worth living, I can't help but wonder where their heart is.  Sure, there are days when things go wrong, sometimes terribly wrong, and I might even think life stinks, but even those days are doable.  They are survivable when I turn to God for strength and understanding.  We all have seasons when we are in pain, self-inflicted or otherwise, but seasons pass.

The question, "where is your heart?" speaks to our relationships; with one another and with Jesus.  Those days when I feel 'life stinks', it is crucial I have an accountability partner to turn to.  Someone who can help by praying me through my troubles.  We all need an individual to reassure us how much our life matters.

Accountability partners do more than that, they also quiz us about our weaknesses, those areas of our lives where we struggle.  This partner knows us because we have given them permission to ask the difficult questions and expect truthful answers.

This verse from Matthew echoes questions I might hear my accountability partner ask.  They keep me accountable to growth and to bearing good fruit.  They help prune me and then provide much needed nourishment for my soul, called love.  With a friend like this - your enemies are crippled.

"What counts is your life. Is it green and blossoming? Because if it's deadwood, it goes on the fire." (Matthew 3:10 (MSG)

John the Baptist went ahead of Jesus, heralding his arrival, preparing hearts to be changed, lives to be transformed. He preached the necessity of our lives counting because of the healthy fruit we produce. He warned if it's deadwood, it goes on the fire.

Read Matthew 3:4-12 here.

Listen to Matthew 3:4-12 here.

Build Up Through Love - 2 John 1-13

I was walking with my dog along one of the usual routes for us when he seemed to sense danger. There was a truck parked alongside the road, half on and half off of the pavement.  I couldn't see anyone nearby, but he pulled back on the leash just the same.

Asa, my 130 pound Golden Retriever, ears perked up, would not allow me to go any further.  In fact he made an about face and began walking in the opposite direction, constantly looking over his shoulder until the truck was out of view.

"It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us. And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love." (2 John 1-13)

All of this happened as I was contemplating the scripture I was to write on today.  I was also thinking about my need to find an accountability partner now that I live so far from the woman who filled this role until now.  The way Asa stopped me from going any closer to the strange vehicle made me think about the way that woman would help me see the danger I might be walking into.  

I was reminded of my need for someone in my life who will tell me truth; someone who cares enough to speak up and stop me from hurting myself. This is real love, walking alongside someone, guiding their way and helping to light their path with truth and love.   

Read the 2 John 1-13 text here.