From Guilt to Change to Forgiveness

And it's clear enough, isn't it, that we're sinners, every one of us, in the same sinking boat with everybody else? Our involvement with God's revelation doesn't put us right with God. What it does is force us to face our complicity in everyone else's sin. Romans 3:19-20 (The Message)

Guilt is a powerful force. This emotion produces shame and leaves us empty. The best case scenario is we will get to the point where this uncomfortable sensation prompts us to change, and acknowledge our guilt, and seek forgiveness. This is a process and one not achieved straightaway.

For many years I never saw the seriousness of the devastating path I traveled. Every day my stomach ached, and I couldn't shake it. I wasnt I'll, at least not physically; but my behaviors affected me like an illness. I compare this to a nervous stomach experienced while waiting to deliver a speech or sitting in the hospital waiting room anticipating the results of a test.

The day I faced my sinful my ways and made the decision to change, things didn't happen just because I said so. A day-to-day heart change took place. Some days I failed, and guilt would grab hold of me pouring a tidal wave of shame over me.

Over and over I would vow to do better. This change of heart became a gradual process, and one I repeated until it sank in. Each time I failed, I saw an opportunity to pursue forgiveness. In time and through prayer, the new behaviors outnumbered the old ones. But again, the process is long, allowing for God to grow me and draw me close to Him.

Freedom Rings

When the weight of a guilty conscience is dragged around behind us it is as if we were prisoners of our past. Every step we take considers the pull of previous indiscretions. The undertow of shame overwhelms and undermines daily living. It is challenging to live a free and happy life with such baggage in tow.

Where did this burden come from? Why is it so heavy and all-consuming? It is like my lawn mower. I use it to cut my grass, but sometimes when I finally get around to mowing the yard, the grass is so long it takes a lot just to push through it without the engine snubbing out. Then, when I turn the mower on its side there is so much scum and crusty debris attached to the walls of the undercarriage, it is amazing it ever cut anything.

Before Jesus, that was my life. I kept allowing layer after layer of sin to attach to the walls of my heart, that once I decided to change, to embrace Jesus as Savior, it still took years to chisel the shame and guilt away. The slightest reminder of my past caused me to cringe and hide. Until...

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, the, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)  I learned that the guilt I was feeling was a conviction of the Holy Spirit to clean up my act. I began to feel that yoke of oppression lift as I let go of my past and embraced the future - one day at a time.

Today, when I am asked the reason for my new found hope, I point to the Gospel and share my story.




Galatians 5:1-15

No More Shame

I used to isolate from the world. Raised in an alcoholic home, I learned to adopt coping mechanisms to help survive daily living. Then, as an adult I continued to employ these tools as I navigated my world. I became adept at avoiding social events and managed to keep everyone at arm’s length for years.

Then, Jesus changed everything. I know now God did not create us to live isolated and apart. The LORD God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)

Jesus became my first friend. Then He used a number of people along the way as His instruments, opening up a world of relationships and trust. Psalm 139 spoke to my heart and breathed new life into my spirit. These words burrowed deep into my heart and a refining process began.

 Fear struck when I read the first two verses: O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. I did not feel comforted. I was afraid that God would be shaking his head and I visualized the 'finger-shame' image, putting me in my place.

I continued to study the Psalm and discovered it teaches how God knows us inside and out and still He loves us. The comfort this introverted isolationist gleaned from this Psalm is a miracle in itself. But that is how our God works. The fact I was able to feel how warm and safe it is to rest in His arms, provided a new sensation. I wanted more; I wanted God to Hem me in. I did not want to go it alone any longer.

I came to another realization. Remember that finger-shame image I was expecting? I discovered if I look at it from a new angle it looks like a cross. Isn't that just what Jesus does for us? Takes our life, sifts it through a filter of forgiveness and shows us a new way to see things. Forgiven eyes have the sharpest vision.

Psalm 139:1-12

I've Got a Secret...

Hebrews 4:13 (NIV)  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. 

If any of you are old enough to remember the black and white television program call, "I've Got a Secret," travel with me a moment into yesteryear. Three guests enter stage left.  A quick scan of the panelists reveals they are wearing blindfolds.  The guests then each make a statement, the same statement, and the panel must determine which one is telling the truth; which one is revealing their 'secret'.

The panel of celebrities begins to question the secret holders, but only receive yes or no responses. It was interesting and fun.  The blindfolds kept the identity of the contestants hidden because the panel could recognize them if they were famous or infamous. Their secret was safe.

How do you feel about secrets?  We all have them, some little and some much too big to keep without affecting us, without make us sick. Do you draw comfort from the fact that God knows all secrets? Does that make you feel secure or afraid?

In recovery programs we are taught we are as sick as our biggest secret.  We are encouraged to find someone to talk with, to reveal our faults to and come clean and to step out of denial. Coming clean with our dirty little secrets will go a long way to healing our hearts.

It is good to remember that nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight, there is nothing we can admit or confess that He didn't already know...and He loved us anyway.  If there is shame in our life, it is of Satan not God.  The Holy Spirit will convict us to come clean, to give an account of our actions, but never will He cast shame.

Isn't it time to come out from behind those masks and reveal who we are?  Isn't it time to be real, not only with others, but especially with ourselves?  After all, God knows -- what else matters?

Hebrews 4:1-13